lifeless

i used to say my greatest fear is not passing the board exams...
i realized there's something more grave than that...

last sunday my dad got a call from tita joji and he was told that my tito dindo (kidney surgeon) suffered an attack after a round of golf. what's amazing about this story is that, my tito, with his heart pounding violently, even managed to drive himself to heart center... only to meet death not even 24hours from when his heart took the magnificent leap...

the thought that he had a heart attack had not sunk in yet, and already we had to accept the fact that tito dindo was forever gone...

am i ready to die? sometimes you look at things from a distance and it doesn't seem ominous but when it's right in front of you... you can't even look at it. i'm scared of death... i'm scared of not living a full life... scared of leaving people behind... moreso, i'm scared of losing someone...

i wish life was more permanent...