he's so far

he's probaby tucked in bed right now... miles from me and here i sit infront of the computer again, drowning myself in sorrows.

i hate vacations for the sad fact of bon being so far from me... it's been 10 months but it still hasn't been easy to accept that he's there and im here. makes me think of how athena and carlo can survive a long distance relationship... cus how can you love someone you cannot touch? you cannot see? you cannot smell? you cannot feel?

i never was good with distance. i lost judd when i went to london.but then again we were young, what did we really know about love? ours was like an old fairy tale ended too soon. and when i was with wesley? i dreaded his trips back home... for years now, none has changed. time has not succeeded in making me strong for this... i still weave illusions of self-professed paranoias. i still let my imagination run wild.

the only long distance relationship i handled well was jp. the further he was from me... the better that i was attached to him. he is like an airborne disease... proximaty matters. but i do miss him sometimes... if there was something jp was good at, it was talking. we can talk about anything... and talk for hours...

but when will i ever get used to the fact that bon is from pampanga??? every time he leaves me i see him disappear slowly from the horizon into his alternate universe... his own world. what happens there? what is in pampanga??? annalyn used to ask me: "crickette dont you get scared that maybe he lives a different life there?"

well... actually i do... i fear it so much.