i'm 24

TODAY... IM 24

yes im 24 today... sucks!!! my sisters started a club NY 24... and it means NOT YET 24!!! am i really that jurassic??? so funny though, i am 24 but i feel so young still... i guess its the fact that im still studying... school tends to give the feeling of youth... but it wont be too long before this all ends... soon i will have to think and feel like a real adult... damn thats quite tough!

a lot has changed about me though... i was telling my friends earlier... before i couldn't leave the gimmick place til everyone has left already... i feel like i need to finish it or ill miss something spectaular... and i drown myself in so much alcohol that walking to the car becomes a task and most of the time i dont remember how i dressed myself to bed...

i guess i am old now... things that used to be of dire importance to me dont really matter much to me now... i guess now im more scared of leaving school... cus what if i dont make it out there?

has anyone died of thinking too much? cus i feel that i've loaded my brain of much paranoid thinking that it's already suffocated...

nevertheless... my day was great!!! i got to spend it with my sisters, and my bonbon... pat and nina surprised me... i was greeted by people closest to my heart... and i got lots of gifts from bon!!! wahahahahahaha!!!

happy birthday crix!!!

not very vacation-like

VACATION

here it is... on my big break... and im not really resting... ive just begun studying... just recalling notes and organizeing them... i figured, it wont hurt to prepare so when the time comes i wont be sayin' shoulda woulda coulda...

i began iwht practice management which only took me half a day... which is good... now im on roentgenology (study of xrays) and its quite long... pero im still going... still on track... i hope i dont lose track this whole summer...

and by the way, it the 30th today... its my birthday tomorrow... :)

solid for real?

SOLID OR PEBBLES

last weekend i got to meet selena, liza and avie at pier one and after having a quick chat with them i found myself asking: "are we really the solid bunch?"

my solid `kada group seem rather convinced that we are the solid bunch... that we rank way above... but look at them... strongly bonded... tight relationship... we barely see each other... our so-called solid bunch... and we so proudly claim we're better off???

i dunno... it just suddenly occured to me...

bored now

BORED

i think im quite bored now with how my blog looks like... i think imma change it soon... its summer... new leaf... new life... new blag skin... plus imma be gettin' a tan soon... so thats new skin soon for me too... wahahaha! but then im always tanned? wahahahaha!!! im so eloquent today!

i guess im just happy cus i made sumbong mang jun to papa!!! hell yeah bitch!

happy happy joy joy...

IN ELATION... THEN DROWNED

though i heard news of mister bean's disapproval about the certificates... i cant care less... as i told quin... i was handed the list of awardees and my job was to make them certificates. how can you expect me to know 383 people? they gave me a list... i trust that list to be right...

so anyway, like i said... i coudn't care less... im in a state of nirvana and no one can bring me down...

i got into the prosthodontics section to deliver my patient's dentures and i was immediately apporached by dr. pinlac who was asking for a copy of my speech... she said it was beautiful... and so did dr. mercado when i borrowed my tally sheet for recording in restorative dentistry... dr. sotelo even asked me if i wrote it... of course i did... you silly prat! i dont have money to hire a speech writer.. potpot my sister is expensive! she writes my dad's speeches for fuckin 500!!!

so mr bean... i dont have a flying fuck what you think... joke lang!!! i will apologize about the names next time i see you... but stress out of course, the fact that it's ur fault...

btw, some newsflash... i saw patty at MARKET MARKET today and she met BON briefly! that was nice!

compromise

THE POWER OF COMPROMISE

ive just learned the power of compromise...
the most difficult thing about loving is compromise...
they say that if you love someone then it shouldn't matter what you think... and you therefore should yield...

it sounds well but then, what about the things you strongly believe in? what about your frustrations? you ideals? your demands? your own satisfaction?

i used to think that people should meet halfway all the time... ive gone a mile, you do the next... ive done this, you do the other...

love is not making a compromise... it is not doing your half and leaving him to accomplish the rest... love is not demanding you've done as much and so he has to do his turn... love is not measured by your power to persuade... love is taking a step, then reaching for his hand and taking his step with him...

cus u cannot expect everyone to be as you are... no one can read exactly what you want... not even him... so if you want him to stay, look him in the eye and coax him to come nearer... and he'll stay... i know he will... just tell him.

songs

SOFT WHISPERS

songs are man's bestfriend... not dogs. cus in ur most diminished state dogs cant do nothin... perhaps lick your fingers and bark you of a daydream, but other than that dgos can't do much...
i remember years back when the world has fallen on me i used to sit quietly on my nook, open my book... and write... silence amongst me but the soft whispering of melodious songs...

i like songs that resonate the depths of my emotions. i like songs that open my eyes to the world... i like songs that admit my lies... i like songs that give meaning to my silence...

i always say: "i'm a frustrated singer"... well i really am. i wanna touch lives the way singers do when i listen to them... i want to placate raging waters with my singing...

my frustration

everyone started joining the tape... the CEU hymn blasting over the speakers and everyone joined in. I just stood there... trying to catch my breath... wanting to scream... wanting to cry... it's all over now, my sleepless nights had paid off. when the singing ended... i came up to ice and hugged her tightly. despite all that's happened, ice made things possible... suddenly people were coming over me and congratulating my team... it was the most awesome feeling... all my sacrifices, all the pain, all the sweat had proved its worth.

Dr. Barcarse even approached me and asked a copy of my speech to print in "The Escolarian"... It was unbelievable... it was my happiest moment...

but I went home last night without anyone to talk to...
Everyone still hated me... and I didn't even mean it!

i do curse a lot... a sickness i've had forever... I curse for fun, I curse when mad... but I never curse at people...

The day I walked out on mommy and cried profusely in the car... screaming and pleeding I was frustrated... I was mad... I was feeling very vulnerable... I was shattered... and mang jun had no right to tell mom i was cursing at her cus i wasn't.

there''s a difference between cursing and cursing at people. potpot curses... she exits an atgument and curses under her breath. what i did is comparable to that... and man jun had no right to exaggerate the situation by merely saying: "minumura kayo"... cus i said more than that...

"tanginang buhay to ganito nlang palagi! pagid na pagod na nga ako sa school ganito pa? puro lait na nga ang natatanggap ko sa school, tangina tapos ganito? bakit si potpot pwedeng maging busy? bakit kapag ako hindi? tangina buong buhay nlang ganito! tangina pagod na pagod na ako"

i believe that if he wanted to tell the story of what happened that day... he should tell everything... cus i cursed out of frustration... i wasn't merely cursing...

now i dont know what to do... my whole family hates me...
it's okay... everyone love him naman eh, brave... kind... helpful mang jun... one day... one day...